


I Want You To Know That...

by MeredithBrody



Series: Destiny Era Stories [2]
Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: F/M, destiny era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-20
Updated: 2013-10-20
Packaged: 2017-12-29 22:20:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1010796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeredithBrody/pseuds/MeredithBrody
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jonathan writes a final letter to Erika a few years after Columbia goes missing</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Want You To Know That...

**Author's Note:**

> The inspiration and title for this ficlet is "Letters To You (Acoustic)" by Finch. 
> 
> I recommend you listen to the song.

_Dear Erika,_

_It’s been a long time since I told myself I was going to sit down and write these words to you. I wanted to write them for so long, but every time I tried I convinced myself, somehow, that_ Columbia _was going to come charging around the closest nebula and you’d have that silly smirk on your face as you asked me if I’d missed you._

_It’s taken 5 years, but I’ve realised I’m never going to see that smirk again. Apart from in the photographs. I’m never going to hear that question off your lips. Never going to get to tell you the honest truth._

_I miss you so, so much._

_For the longest time I wasn’t sleeping, I was barely eating. I was focusing on my job and nothing else, because focusing on the other things Starfleet asked me to do would be like I was admitting you were gone, and I wasn’t ready to do that. I still don’t think I’m ready to do that._

_Whenever I hear of another ship going missing I wonder if they are where you are now. I wonder if you at least have company where you are. I hope that you’re safe and protected, however far you are. I also (selfishly maybe?) hope that you’re trying to make your way home. To me._

_You never had to tell me how you felt, I always knew that verbalising your emotions was something you weren’t always the most comfortable doing. I learnt early in our relationship that you had your ways of telling me, showing me, how you felt about me. I was always the one who liked to tell you. Who liked to know I had left no room for any doubt. I hope you never doubted it anyway._

_Some things sound so ridiculous, I had planned a whole future for us, you and me. Children, a house on the outskirts of the city. You being an explorer, me being a househusband, maybe raising puppies or officers. I even thought what they’d look like. Give them the names we discussed all those years ago. Nothing more than a fantasy now. One I wish I’d been able to make come true._

_When I think back to when we first met. The elite team we were on, I feel more and more isolated. Most are gone now, Duvall, Forrest, A.G. - all gone beyond wherever the dead go to rest. You, missing, and everyone presuming you joined them. Sam an Admiral, my commanding officer. I feel alone out here, because you’ve all left in your own ways._

_I don’t know what this letter is about, closure of some sort maybe? Something to just tell you that no matter the time that passes I still think of you. I wonder what you’d do in my situation. Sometimes I lay in bed and it’s as if I can still feel you right there, telling me to carry on. Telling me that you are perfectly OK and that one day I’ll hold you again. I can’t forget the way you’d touch me. The way you’d sleepily laugh when I whispered in your ear. The little squeaking noise you made when I tickled you. Kissing in the rain the night after your father died. Seeing your face in the crowd the day I was made Captain of_ Enterprise _._

_Your nieces are growing up strong. Amelia is 17 now, she just applied to the Academy that I helped set up. She’s going to be in Starfleet too. She called me and was so excited. Promising that she was going to do you proud. I don’t doubt her for an instant. Carla is determined to become a painter. It’s disturbing to see them both sometimes, particularly Amelia. She looks so much like you. It’s almost like looking into a mirror. They miss you too, and Simon hasn’t been the same since you’ve been gone, especially since your mother died. He’s always blamed the grief for that._

_If someone told me a few years ago that I’d be the one writing this letter I’d have laughed in their face. You were canny, you were smart. Of the two of us, I was the hero. I should be the one missing. I should be where you are. It should have been me. All of it. It should have been me. Time makes everything harder. I wish I could remember every detail. I wish that I could take back the years we spent apart. I wish I could have married you when I had the chance. I wish we could have had that future I planned. Who knew this would be the way it was._

_I will miss you, every single day, for the rest of my life. That last kiss we shared the night you left for Onias will always be cherished. The climbing trip when I got back from the Expanse, where you saved my life in more ways than one, and I never got to say thank you for that._

_I guess what this whole letter was trying to say was, thank you for being the love of my life, my soulmate, my partner, my ass-kicker, and just for being the most amazing person I ever knew, or ever will know. I love you, and I always will._

_Love,_

_Jonathan._


End file.
